Late at Night, When All the World is Sleeping...

Good evening, my dear blog friends, and sorry for my unannounced absence. Things have been crazy, and I've been out of inspiration. A lot of things have happened since last time I blogged...

Today, we celebrated my birthday two weeks and two days early, since it's my last weekend home until October. We had lasagna for dinner, a dish which I love, and cheesecake for dinner, which is my favorite cake ever! It was really nice (my birthday is on September 6th, very imporant, remember the date!).

Tomorrow is my brother's first day at high school. My baby brother's growing up! He's gonna be studying electronics and computer stuff, but I believe I've written that before at some point in time... Wishing him tons of luck! Feels like just yesterday that I had my first day there, can even remember what I was wearing... and I almost envy him it; for me, now, high school seems so safe, it's so close and all, nand I kind of wish I could go back - and when I was there, I couldn't wait to get away. Well, now that I really think about it, I don't really wanna go back anyways, I just enjoy the idea of going somewhere safe, somewhere I know... I'm all grown up now, I have to take responsibility and pay bills and all, it's kind of scary, you know...

I'm moving in two days. I have this night and two more nights and two more days left at home. I haven't packed too much, I'mma begin for real tomorrow. I also have to go to a couple of stores and to vote for the political party I at finally decided to vote for. And I would like to finish watching the third season of Castle before going up to school, I have only four episodes left though. Been watching all day the past couple of days(New season's out on September 19th!).

As well as reading. When I came home from Poland I'd told my brother to bring me a book, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenex, as I was out of things to read and that's as far as I'd gotten in reaading them in English. I was determined, when I began reading the book 18 days ago, that I would finish it before moving, and if necessary I'd have to bring it with me in the car and finish it while driving. Well, in the past 18 days I have indeed finished reading the 870 pages long pocket version of the book... And the 652 pages of the following book in the series, Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. I've read the first chapter of the seventh and last book as well,Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. There is no way I will finish that one before going though. Probably not in the car either, but then again... We'll be driving all of Wednesday and for a few hours on Thursday, so I can't be sure I won't finish it, but taken into consideration that I won't be reading much these next couple of days and I'll probably be too [a mix of] nervous and excited on our way to the school, I find it highly unlikely that I will.

So that's pretty much what I've been doing: reading, watching nearly three seasons of Caslte, and packing a little bit. And writingin my quote book. I've found myself in need of taking it out and writing in it again. The last time I did was in March, and I only wrote one paragraph, and the last time before that must have been in November (since I dated a paragraph to November 29th), and the last time before that while I was in America or shortly thereafter. For those of you who don't know what this is, it's a big green hard cover book with notepaper that my dad gave me years ago because I loved writing (always have, still do). I began writing in it on Thursday April 9th, 2009, and have written in it from time to time ever since. My hope is to keep writing until it's full, and then write the date of the day I last wrote something in it. I collect quotes in this book, both by famous people, friends, lines from books and movies, song lyrics, and my own thoughts. Etc etc etc.

"Every time I'm hurt, I read through this book until I find a quote, one that fits the current situation... And if I can't find one, I create one." I wrote that a couple of days ago. I've written nine pages these past two-three days. I'll take some page pictures sometime and show you. It is no joke, I can sit for hours and write things in this book at a time. It's soothing.

Weekend before last (since now it is technically Monday), my boyfriend of these past eight months and I broke up. I don't want sympathy, that's not why I'm writing it, I just thought you should know since I've mentioned him in more or less every blog entry since New Years, and I probably won't for the upcoming time.

I'm not bitter, and I definitely do not wantanybody telling me how I deserve better and that he's not worth hurting over and all those other things girl friends usually tell one another when one has been dumped, because it would be a lie, and I don't tolerate liars. He is a great man. That is not to say he isn't fault free, but none of us are, so.

When I move on Wednesday, I'm moving 913 km/567 miles away from here and away from him, and he just didn't want our relationship to end like a dying rose; texting and calling for a few weeks, and then less and less contact until there's none and we'll find ourselves wondering what happened and why we don't care about each other anymore. He had experienced it before and didn't want to go through it again, nor did he want to put me through it for the first time in my life; I've had it happen with friends before, but not with a boyfriend.

If you're reading this, chances of which are probably a little below zero, but it doesn't hurt to write it anyways, so if you're reading this, I just want you to know that I forgive you, I still care about you, and I'm still here as a friend if you need me. When I was crying, you held me and told me you were there for me, and that you always will be, and I want you to know the same goes for you.

And to the rest of my readers, those that are more likely to read this... This will be my first and last time of blogging about our breakup - for I cannot stand young girls who blog entry after entry for months on end about how they loved him and miss him and will never love anybody ever again; you are more than likely to find someone within a year or so. Don't think me cynical, I do have feelings, and I do understand those that are upset, and I know what it's like to have a broken heart, but you need not feed the sorrow, OK? What you need to do is find out what makes you happier and keep doing loads of that.

Me, for instance... I spent a weekend in front of my laptop watchng episodes of Castle, eating nada and drinking naught but water and some tea. I cried on my father's shoulder when he came home Sunday night, began eating again, and locked myself into the worlds of mystery TV and magic, mezmerizing books. And I've been writing a lot, which is therapy for me. Most of which has been deleted. And I've been with family. It helps more than you think. And I've put him in a box in a cupboard, for now at the very least. And I didn't listen to music for days, out of fear that I would fall to pieces and begin crying hysterically again. The first song I heard apart from what appeared in the show I was watching, was this one, Revolver by Philter:

...and it was him who posted it on Facebook...

Don't think I'm gonna sit around being heartbroken, though. It's not the end of the world, no longer being somebody's someone special. Damn right it hurts like hell right there and then, but it passes, it always does. And life is too short to be anything but happy. We agreed on that... It's not like I can't live without him, because I can; I just didn't want to... But as it happens to be, that decision is not entirely up to me ti make as there are two in a relationship, and both of the parts have to make an effort for it to work, especially when there will be a distance this big between the two, and there is no point in trying it not both parts are in it 100%. So really, it is Ok. It's better to be told a truth that hurts than a lie that doesn't, and it's better to know what happened than to find yourself wondering because you never checked.

Until we see each other again,
♥ The Norwegian Teenager

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a teenager with thoughts

a teenager with thoughts

19, rland

This is an anonymous blog by a Norwegian teenage girl. I may reveal myself someday, but for now my identity shall remain unknown for those of you who do not already know who I am. I'll explain all of that later. Please leave a comment so I can see you've visited, in whichever language you prefer!