Fears vs Dreams

I just watched the 2nd episode of the 1st season of Desperate Housewives, and the ending quote that you'll read below, inspired me to write this entry that I've tried and failed at writing for more than a week now. 

You see, to live in fear is not to live at all. I understand now, there will always be those who face their fears, and there will always be those who run away. ~ Narrator Mary Alice Young

Well, I've run away from my fair share of fears so far in my life... And I have a fear right now as well. Complicatedly, it's also my biggest dream. You see, I fell in love. Not only with a man who is the most wonderful person I've ever met, but also with the country he's from and currently lives in.

I've had boyfriends before, and I've cared about them a great deal - at the time, I always thought I could picture my life with them. But never before have I met someone that made me want to skip ahead of the upcoming three to five years. He made me wish that I could just be done with my BA, maybe even a masters degree, to have a job and a steady income, to not have any ties preventing me from travelling the more than 13,000 km that are separating us (in fact, if I was to drive to Nairobi, it's a distance of 13,335 km, it would take 8 days and an hour, and I'd have to go through 9 countries, not counting the one I live in or my final destination - or I could just fly and have one transfer abroad...). What I'm saying is: I want to be with him.

But I've read Corinne Hofmann's incredible story about how she went to Kenya, fell in love with a Samburu warrior, moved in to his mother's manyatta with him, and they got married and had a child. It's a true story that you can read in the book The White Masai, and the follow-ups Back From Africa and Reunion in Barsaloi. And I've seen the movie. I've also seen I Dreamed of Africa, and bought the book with the intention of reading it soon - it's a story about an Italian family who moves to Kenya. And I've seen Out of Africa - Karen Blixen's story about her life, also in Kenya. Sadly, I also know how they all end, and it's not always all that great.

When Boyfriend and I watched I Dreamed of Africa together back in school, I was crying hysterically by the end, and my boyfriend, without me having to say anything, was just holding me and assuring and reassuring me that I wouldn't have to lose him, wouldn't have to bury him, that our life together was not going to be like the movies I've watched and the books I've read.

Frankly, I'm scared as hell by the thought of taking such a big step, but I love him, so why shouldn't I do it? I only live once...



And I wanted to round off with some of the status updates the non-profit organization To Write Love On Her Arms have been posting lately; they're doing a project where they're asking people to write down a big fear and a big dream and send it to them. Here are some that I really like:

Fear: Losing her.
Dream: Having a family.

Fear: To be forgotten.
Dream: To make a difference.

Fear: Not being good enough.
Dream: To live up to what my parents want me to be.

Fear: To relapse. To not love myself. To be a failure.
Dream: To love myself and my life. To help others. To have an impact on someones life.

Fear: Disappointing myself.
Dream: To love & be loved unconditionally. 

You can read more fears and dreams by clicking here, and visit TWLOHA's website, and facebook page, and twitter account.

 

Lifehouse - Whatever It Takes 

♥ The Norwegian Teenager 

 

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a teenager with thoughts ©

a teenager with thoughts ©

19, Ørland

This is an anonymous blog by a Norwegian teenage girl. I may reveal myself someday, but for now my identity shall remain unknown for those of you who do not already know who I am. I'll explain all of that later. Please leave a comment so I can see you've visited, in whichever language you prefer!

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